By: E.M.Whittington

September 20, 2007

 

   Think back. When was the last time you received a hug, touch, pat or tap other than during a moment of passion? Was it when you were sick? At a funeral? Or when you did something dramatic for mankind?

   The truth is, most of us would like to be touched more often. Indeed, many of us long for human contact for we are “skin hungry.” “ It is a hunger for the reaffirming assurance that inside our skins we are ‘somebody,’ that inside the skins of others, there is ‘somebody’ just like us.

 

Jesus was and is a touching person; He healed many with a touch (St. Mark 1, 41) And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean.

 

   “Touch is as basic a human need as food and air.” Without touch, we cannot grow properly. It has been found that children who lack sufficient touch, as infants are slower to walk, talk and read. And in extreme cases, a lack of touch can even lead to death.

   Early studies of institutionalized infants have shown that babies who were not routinely held, rocked and stroked by the nurses developed marasmus, a condition, which means they literally wasted away. The infants would not respond to feeding; they became listless and had faint heartbeats and shallow breathing. Many ultimately passed away.

   Dramatic? Perhaps. But more recent studies show that it’s not just babies who benefit from touch. A spiritual and human hand can keep us healthy later in life, too.

 

   What’s even more intriguing about touch is that you don’t have to be sick to reap its benefits. Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, has found that when people were touched their heartbeats slowed. “It would appear that adults may have just as much a physical need for touch as infants.”

 

   Touch may be healthy, but the fact remains that we’re mostly a hands-off society. Why else would we have so many bumper stickers that ask “Have you hugged your kid today?” The explanation? “Touching is taboo in our culture,” says one expert. We’ve learned that touch is okay only for very personal and intimate circumstances or to “tease, comfort or hurt others.” Otherwise touch is a no-no.

Touch for Good Health

 

   Society has for the most part limited our need to touch and be touched. We dare not touch our adult friends for fear it may be construed as a sexual advance. What’s more, we limit contact with our kin to a stiff embrace and we’re even afraid to touch our own mates in public, for fear of what others may think. And we dare not touch, tickle, cuddle or caress others kids for fear of what others might construe as improper. We teach our children at an early age the “touch taboo.”

 

   The good news is that it’s possible to transcend our touching limitations and be happier and healthier as a result. How? “We must first,” examine our own taboos and practice new behaviors. Here’s how to get in touch with touch.

 

1. Be receptive to touch. Discard old touch stereotypes. Instead of viewing that person who taps you on the wrist in a conversation as the touchy type, think of her or him as wanting to make a genuine contact with you.

2. Know the types and timing of touch. A light pat on someone’s knee at a meeting can get his or her attention. Rub or stroke their knee in a more private setting, and you could get a black eye.

3. Announce your touch intentions. People may be confused if you suddenly start touching them. If, for example you say to someone, ‘I wish to hug you to wish you well on your trip,’ as they are departing, the message is clear and should leave little room for misunderstanding.

4. Make your touch true. If you disguise loneliness or a need for attention by feigning some other message such as sympathy or congratulations, others will sense your insincerity and react negatively.

5. Touch your teenagers. Many experts believe that if we touch our kids more as they grow up, they will be less likely to overindulge in eating, drinking and other vices.

6. Make contact with colleagues. Give your co-worker that literal pat on the back or tap on the shoulders—it can be a real boost for both.

The Etiquette of a Handshake

 

   We can thank the caveman for handing down the custom of handshakes. They greeted one another with arms raised, a clear message that they were not concealing weapons. Today’s version of the handshake may be a bit friendlier, but it still conveys a message—about our selves and how we relate to other people.

   Unfortunately, there are still no hard-and-fast rules about handshakes. This can be especially confusing for women, particularly in business situations. Research has shown that women seem to be most comfortable extending their hand to younger men—a gesture that is not always acceptable to older men or senior management.

   Whatever the situation, though, if you decide to give a handshake, make it a good one—firm but not annoying.

Touch for Good Health

 

The Etiquette of a Handshake

1. Dead fish. If your hands are cold and clammy, people may think you’re weak. The opposite of this is the knuckle crusher.

2. Palm down. When you turn your hand so that your palm faces the floor, you may come across as dominating. If your palm is up, you’ll be seen as submissive.

3. Politician. When you clasp your free hand over the handshake or your partner’s upper arm, you may think you are showing your honesty and trustworthiness. But unless you know the person very well, you may raise suspicions.

 

Signs That Say “Do Not Touch”

   There are time when it is not right to touch. Think about the guy at a party who sidles right up to you and engages you in unwanted conversation. Or the new colleague who goes around slapping everybody on the back. “These people are invading your personal space.” Try and respect the following “zones” of personal space.

 

1. Intimate zone (6 inches to 11/2 feet). Reserved only for lovers, parents, spouse, children, close friends and relatives.

2. Personal zone (11/2 to 4 feet). Close enough to get friendly at social gatherings.

3. Social zone (4 to 12 feet). For the plumber, the postman, the new employee and people we don’t know very well.